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Mommy’s First World Problems

I’ve never hid the fact that I’m living with the “Brat Pack” over here; spoiled rotten, whiney, and terribly ungrateful. I find it hard to believe that they’re my kids. I shared some of their First World Problems a few months back, and wondered where they got this high maintenance attitude from ‘cause I  know it certainly wasn’t me

10. “The dang Bluetooth call waiting in the car doesn’t work!” imagesCA4F7EIV

9. “Crap, the iPad is dead!”

8. “Ahhhh man, the dessert is in the other fridge in the basement.”

7. “Holy Cow, the sheets from the king size bed fill the washer so nothing else can go in.”

6. “Damn Starbucks guy screwed up my drive thru order third day in a row!”

5. “Dammit, the iPhone is dead!”

4. “What?, Who the hell doesn’t take Visa?”

3. “I hate when I have nothing to wear.”

2. “Perfect, the camera battery is dead!”

1. “ I ran out of time to Blog, Tweet, Instagram, and Facebook about it!”

I kid you not friends, all things I have actually said out loud.

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That Ain’t My Kid?

There is no end to the amount of stories I could write about things my kids do that shock me/surprise me /leave my jaw on the floor; things they say that I don’t expect, things they do that I am not prepared for. Well, last Friday Lil’J pulled a shock/surprise/jaw on the floor moment when we planned a little visit to Award Winning Dad at work…

Everyone at Award Winning Dad’s workplace has been asking for him to bring the baby in, so in keeping with typical Not Mom of the Year fashion I make a plan FOUR MONTHS LATER  to go there. Since Big T was in school, it was Lil’J, The Boss Man, and I getting ready to visit Daddy. Although the visit was all about The Boss Man, Lil’J was over the moon to be going; waiting for me at the door with his shoes and hat on which rarely ever happens without repeating myself yelling twenty times to do so. Whenever we go anywhere I ask the boys to pack their “stuff”, which usually consists of a small bag of toys, but today Lil’J says he wants to take candy? I’m all, “nooooo candy for you mister”. He finds a small green gift bag, and walks over to our “junk cupboard” (don’t hate, everyone has a stash somewhere), and starts to fill the bag with at least thirty Werthers Hard Candy.

Me: “Whoa, whoa, where are you taking all this candy?”

Lil’J: “To daddy”

Me: “Daddy cannot eat all of that candy; you’ll have to put some back.”

Lil’J: “But it’s for Daddy’s friends.”

To save time, I avoided the argument and let him bring the bag of candy since we’ll just bring it home  and put it back anyway.

We arrive at Award Winning Dad’s office, Lil’J shows him the bag of goods and shares one of the thirty with him. We walk into the office and start chatting with someone, Lil’J reaches into his bag and hands her a candy. He makes typical 3 year old conversation; “I’m three years old”, “I like angry birds”, “my brother is a baby”.  I’m in shock. We run into a few other people, he hands them each a candy, and chats. I’m surprised by his unlikely extroversive behaviour. Like in any office, woman start to flock toward the door smelling that recognizable cocktail of baby scents; spit up, baby lotion, and breast milk, and Lil’J continues to schmooze and hand out this candy he “packed for Daddy’s friends.” Award Winning Dad and I looked keep exchanging that  “this ain’t my kid” look. We continue to meet more people, and each person receives a candy that was packed specifically for them since they were one of Lil’J’s Dad’s “friends”, and an earful of conversation.

My jaw was on the floor by the end of our visit, I was so impressed with him. He had plan and he followed through. Annnnd he was quite a gem in doing it. Even more impressive, not once did he take or ask for that candy he packed and delivered. *Heart Melt*

It’s hard to capture just how sweet this visit was, and of course to convey just how well my baby little man worked the crowd with gifts and chatter, but I had to write about one of these shock/surprise/jaw on the floor moments that I never want to forget.

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With Love From…

I do not call/write/text/email or even think of you on your birthday. I discussed our selfish birthday policy here ’bout two years ago, and trust me it is still going strong. I felt kinda bad though when we missed a very important birthday of Award Winning Dad’s cousin. He has many cousins, but this one lives so close to us, even worse we spend a ton of time together, we have kids literally months apart, even more worse, we travel with them; most recently our trip to Disney with all the kids. They’re like brothers. So why would we miss his birthday, not even call, text, or a email? ‘Cause we’re shitty people that’s why!

We got together yesterday and normally I would have the boys draw a card, but I decided to use my artistic skills and some Crayola markers to express our sincere apologies for missing his birthday.

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10 Signs That I Live In A Frat House

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10. It’s a house full of boys

9. The bathroom smells like a public urinal

8. We can barely keep food in the house

7. There are dirty briefs behind every bedroom or bathroom door

6. They have their own private chef and cleaning lady here… guess who

5. There is no private or quiet area in the house, nor do they promote a peaceful environment

4. Current members continue to recruit new pledges every other year

3.  Membership apparel includes matching Superman and Batman t-shirts

2. Rush “Week” actually lasts nine months and the only one experiencing a fraternity hazing is me

1. The brotherhood will last long after they leave the house

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