Kate Middleton and I have nothing in common; she has a prince, I have a ahem… good man. She lives in a castle, I live in a toy store. She has a chef, I have the Pizza Hut on speed dial. This was all until July 22, when she welcomed a baby boy, and I have three boys. Now that this makes us BFF’s, I have some new mom advice to share, since all new mom’s love advice from complete strangers, right?
10. “You are not you anymore, you are a mom now”, you will get this “look” from everyone around you expecting you to act like you aged 50 years on top of giving birth. Girrrrrllll, if you want to snap your gum, wear a bikini, or sing ACDC softly to put your baby to sleep, do it!
9. Breastfeeding is frickin’ hard! Keep trying, but don’t let anyone make you feel bad if you can’t. In fact have George try to latch on to whoever is bitching and complaining about your breastfeeding.
8. Don’t feel bad about hurting anyone’s feelings about visiting. The only thing that will change with that baby between the time you deliver and a month later is that your his exit door will have healed. If you’re not ready, say so. Go nothing short of barbed wire around your front door.
7. Cover or point his little *WMD down when changing his diaper.
6. Assign Will’s to kick out any and all family or friends visiting, that decide to stay over an hour. They came to see the baby, not pitch and tent and spend the night! If William encourages it, kick him out with them.
5. Eat and drink what you want. Wear a bra, don’t wear a bra, it’s up to you. Co-sleep, or don’t. Everyone is going to throw in their two cents about these little things, in your case five pound… ignore them! You’re the mom and your gut is the best advice to follow.
4. If you’re choosing to be a stay-at-home mom, or do everything on your own, prepare to be judged, penalized, and frowned upon. Choosing to really live the good, the bad, and the ugly with your new addition, and really embrace being a parent bothers the shiz out of people (secretly ‘cause they know they can’t do it themselves).
3. Smile and pat anyone’s belly that decides to comment about the size of yours.
2. Your hormones are raging and you will be sleep deprived, it’s inevitable you and your hubs will fight.. chances are whatever you are fighting about is your fault. You are excused, you just had a baby.
1. Soak up every moment with your little one; the days meld into weeks, and the weeks evaporate into years.
* weapon of mass destruction