I’m in a funk. It’s not that summer is almost over, or that the weather up here has been Fall like from March to August while we watched other parts of the world enjoy summer. It’s not that X’mas is 124 days away, or that The Boss Man continues to call Da-da, Da-da, Da-da all day long without mumbling anything close to Ma-ma given I am with him 24/7. I am in a summer sadness. In true Not Winning Mom of the Year style I am being over dramatic, but as each day goes by I grow sadder.
My Big T is going to school for full five days a week starting in September. Yes, for 30 hours a week he will be away from me. I will wake with him, hurry along the morning to drop him off to strangers, as far as I’m concerned, where there they will have the best of him. They will enjoy his most alert, happy, engaging hours, while I wait in the school parking lot (early, no doubt) to squeeze the last little bit of cheer out of him before the bedtime countdown begins. By then he is tired; best hours spent at school “learning”, he eats and he sleeps.
I have tried desperately to stretch these last few months out as long as I can. I gave up on cleaning and cooking, and declining on other family and friend commitments and gatherings just so my time is spent on them.. him… us. I’ve started to take pictures and video every day, (you’d know cause you’re stalking here) Each night I edit our day I so clearly remember him kicking inside my belly, his little hands around my neck as I carried him everywhere, and him so cozily fitting in my armpit as we slept together.
He’s excited and eager to spend time with new friends. He wants to learn new things and be his own person. I smile. I encourage him. I clench my teeth together so hard my jaw muscles hurt just to hold back tears.
Where did the time go?