On New Year’s Eve we had a childhood friend of Award Winning Dad’s over with his family. Since meeting them, I would say I have become quite close to this couple, enough to share maternity clothes with his wife of the same height and frame. Its funny how it worked out because we had sons every other year that they had daughters, therefore six time use of maternity clothes… take that overpriced maternity stores!
Anyway, her youngest being two and mine just turning one year old a week earlier, we exchanged similar kid stories, approaches, concerns, etc. as we often do. Our children being so close in age, she understands the six year long “body-napping”; one year pregnant, one year breastfeed, one year pregnant, one year breastfeed, and so on. She confirmed this was the end of her “body-napping”; no more kids. Now you already know this is a scary thought for me. Not so much confirming the end of growing our family (though writing it now is a bit uncomfortable), but more essentially what comes after that. Having assumed this six year haze as the norm, I can’t imagine what my life would look like once this fog has lifted. I didn’t ask about how they came to that decision, partly because it’s none of my dang business and because I was afraid of her telling me how sad it is.
The next morning after Award Winning Dad’s yummy pancakes they were getting ready to leave piling on scarves, jackets, boots, mitts for our Canadian winter when I saw her reach for her boots. They were very nice, stylish, and they had a heel on them. A high heel on them.
What I said was: “I love your boots!”
What I was thinking was:
Are those safe to wear pregnant? Right, you’re not pregnant.
How will you carry the baby carrier? Oh yes, there is no carrier anymore.
What if you tumble carrying one of the kids? All the kids walk, no one needs/wants to be carried.
Won’t you slip pushing the stroller? No one needs a stroller.
Say something quick you’re staring like an idiot!
Now I haven’t worn high heels for ages, any heel for that matter. In fact, I haven’t worn anything stylish for longer than that. It’s like I’ve completely blanked out what life was like before I had children. What happens when you are out of baby mode? I can wear heels again? Somehow having this weird conversation in my mind and watching her slide those boots on and zip them up made me think that what comes after may not be so sad after all.